Monday, August 15, 2011

Renaissance Of Me

I am birthing out of my shell one that I have clung to for far too long.  My mind is telling my body we no longer want to be cramped in such a tight space when this world is such a large place.  My palate has changed for everything.  I am embracing new hair styles, fashion, music, literature, places, people,  experiences and foods.  In my former shell I confined myself to a jurisdiction which I was dormant; and simply sustaining that hallow shell of myself.   Now my outer is becoming permeable, new things and experiences are entering, and those far gone conclusions about myself are dwindling faster than a Nascar raceway speed.  I feel good, and when I feel good, I want to look good.  And when I look good I out perform even myself!  I actually caught myself throwing a few smiles at random strangers.  This is more than a diet; this is the renewal-renaissance of me!

Behold, fore I present to you, The Queen!  My friend Joi asked me "What made you want to change?  You seemed fine with yourself." Well Joi and anyone else who wants to know the answer to this question, I was happy with myself; however, I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  You know the definition of insanityI had to find a way for me to get new results, therefore I had to do something different.  I had to start exercising, I needed a diet plan that I could live with and stick to without falling off the wagon.  Matter of factly the old me got just stale.  And you know what?  I was tired, sick and damn tired of telling myself "when I lose this weight" or staring back at the person in the mirror and highlighting what I would start changing "tomorrow" ... that tomorrow never came.  I wasn't waiting on a day I was waiting on me.

Do you know I even had the nerve of  feeling that my face was too fucking fat for hairstyles?  Hence why I kept my hair cut into various "Bob Stylings" in an effort to frame my fat face.  In retrospect (ya know hind sight is 20/20) it is sickening what I did to myself!  I was at that time my worst enemy in sheep's clothes, I don't think I had much self love or self worth.  Everyday was like marrying a much hated X-Husband twice -- well that divorce is FINAL!

Things can only progress from here.  I am happy, feeling healthier, more fit and determined to succeed.  Not only am I trying new things and going new places; I am embracing the fair qualities of the child I was, with adult wisdom.  Pretty much this is the best self actualization I have ever been privileged to take part.  I have started to let my hair grow out of that riduclous ass "Bob Style".  I am actually in week number two of just rocking my natural waves in my hair -- that is something I generally make sure the blow dryer and flat iron press and bend into that perfect little Bob.  I have applied a little make up a few times over the past few weeks; although I prefer natural beauty these days; no need to mask who I really am.  My style of dress has been far more adventurous, throwing in a skirt here and there and even losing those over sized shirts that I called home for so long.  Who know's next?  I may be even doing my work-outs in heels...Ha ha ha!

I'm ever so glad that I embarked on this journey, especially since I generally don't do long trips.  However, this trip has turned into a crusade -- basically divide, destroy and conquer.  Long, live the Queen!


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