I'm so mad with myself, I could call Wayne (my pizza delivery guy) and order up some shit. But I won't, I'm too stubborn, and because I am a winner not a quitter. I will be damned if I lose to myself that would be like a failure of all failures. I am not set up to lose, fail, or even do a little bit bad so I can't quit. Damn!
Okay, I admit this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I thought maybe get rid of carbs for a few days, and viola! Look at you bikini body! All self told lies. Are you fucking kidding me, already? It's the second month and all I have to say for myself is that I can give away my size 3X - 18 clothes. Clothes, for the past month or more its all about the outer. Time for me to lose some of this inner baggage too!
I truly feel that the person you were as a child inside is deeply suppressed as an adult by the need to conform to societies view of who you are. But really, I was such an awesome child I should have never changed that! I was loving caring, adoring, kind and even friendly if you can believe that shit. Now days, I can be mean, callus, bitchy an asshole and many other adjectives that I am sure the FCC does not allow; but this is not me. This is not the me I knew as a child. I cannot yet map my internal recovery because this too is yet another long ass road trip, however I can begin with identifying some small steps to get there.
So along with my dreaded spandex on Wednesday to please my outer; I will identify some inner goals to work on as well. Who knew a desire to lose some weight could turn into a desire to transform myself? I sure as hell didn't, and yet the saga continues...