Sunday, August 7, 2011

Dosage: One Mouthful of Reality

I love getting comments on my blog, it means people are paying attention!  I read the following comment which was posted on my blog today in response to My Editorial from Miss Jill Tracey.  Before I proceed, I must admit this comment hit a Granderson Home Run in the reality check department.    For those of you who don't know I am fortunate enough to be the God-Daughter of Miss Jill Tracey (Singularly the Most Talented Woman I have ever known).  My reality check came not because what was said, but because who said it.  In the trueness of being "checked" the person doing the "checking" should offer some sort of personal substance that the person being "checked" can relate.  Well here is her comment, oh, and I think she should have ended it "Checkmate." because it could not have been said better!:

Miss Jill Tracey said...
Well aren't we judgmental my little piggy...As one of those sistas for whom you must hold your puke, never judge another's struggle until you have walked a mile in her run over stilettos. I applaud your efforts here but you must know that at some point she, I - was you. At a 16W - 18W HATING my fat and swearing I would never get a pound larger! and then a breakup or bad grade or lost of a job or friend - pick one - sent me on a binge an the cycle started all over again... What I have learned now is that everytime that happens, your body's "set point" The place where it's comfortable - rises. So that's why no matter what you do, once you break the diet - BEFORE YOU GET TO GOAL - you will gain the weight back and probably more... But I, Like you, have some fabulous clothes calling my name. I don't find back tits AT ALL sexy and I want to be proud not only of my mind and spirit, but my body too! So I'm starting today, with Geneen Roth's book, Why Weight? and a nice lean steak and brussel sprouts. And once we GET to OUR goals - I betcha you're gonna change your tune about how disgusting you think Sista Big bones is...
My initial thought was: "but Jill you are not fat what are you talking about?"  Then I glanced up at the photo of us taken together last summer that hangs in my kitchen and had the next thought of "Oh I really don't think Jill is Fat like what I'm talking about".  Mind you this is a conversation I was having out loud with myself.   Anyway when my simple little mind gave way to reality, I recalled that Jill like myself had always being a bit overweight; however, for some reason my adoration for her made me look past any physical attributes other than her beauty.  (See growing up I would listen to stories about Jill this and Jill that; and I wanted to be just like Jill.) So I took another look at the photo's. "Wow", I thought to myself, and out loud I heard myself say "Oh Wow."  That's right about when you get the sinking feeling that you accidentally said something really shitty with shitty consequences.

Now comes my admission of my DELUSIONAL REALITY:  In order for me to completely succeed in achieving a goal I find a single factor or grouping of factors that I despise, thus driving me further away from goal achieving failure -- basically creating a mental road block.  I do have a tendency to go a tad bit, (okay) wayyyyy overboard when I change my thought processes.  Since this plight is about my weight loss, diet, exercise and lifestyle change; I have basically made myself hate everything that is anti-weight loss, anti-diet, and anti-exercise.  Thinking about my family, friends and the people around me, many of them have back fat, stretch marks, a tummy to rival Budda, or are just plain lazy.  These people don't fit into my fat, make me puke category in my mind.  So where does my mental road block cut off?  Is it for strangers only?  Am I only blinded by physical attributes with people I know, because of my kinship to those people?  This is a sure fire reality check that will require further examination and thought; especially since I am now a hypocrite of my "we should all love people for who they are" stance has been tainted by myself. 

Just when I thought I was on the road less traveled, I realize that someone before me has already trodden the path.  In this case I hope it makes all the difference.  Together we can make Robert Frost proud!


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