Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Fucked Up Thought Process -- My Intro

I LOVE MEN! I especially love my black men (well I used to but that is another blog posting and blog site all together).  Anyway for years I have governed myself under the guise that Black Men LOVE BIG THINGS.  Big Cars, Big Chains, Big Rims, oh and BIG WOMEN.  I use to watch the Bigga Sistas in the mall with their little skinny men while I sat chomping on some food court Chinese food or french fries, thinking to myself "see look at them I can eat whatever I want; as long as the stores have clothes to fit my fat ass."  And this was the beginning of some dumb ass thinking on my part. 

I have never been skinny I was a chunky kid.  I have never been denied any meal I wanted; my father would take me to whatever restaurant I desired from Chinese Food to Five Star Steak Houses.  And please believe me I ate VERY WELL.  Neither of my parents were much of chef's my mother's version of cooking is wrapping anything in a foil ball and putting it on bake 350 degrees for about 1hr 30 mins and viola its dinner time.  My Father on the other hand would re fry beans, make pigs feet, hog mogs and all kinds of back woods slave food; none of which pleased my palate.  Sooooo I learned to cook (and if I do say so myself I would give Patty Labelle a GOOD run for her money on a Christmas Dinner). 

Well 3 years ago I was 5 sizes smaller then I got knocked up.  After I had my daughter I was even 2 sizes smaller than I was before I was pregnant it was miraculous (so if you do the math I was 7 sizes smaller than I am today).  But why in the fuck did I think eating white rice every day and candy bars would maintain my curvy figure?  Dumb I guess.  Oh well like I said "A Fucked Up Thought Process".  As I still do today then I had an auction style lot of men knocking down my door (like I told you before I love men) anyway the fat didnt bother me; hell it didn't bother them.  I guess I figured as long as I have a man I'm still desirable -- Again (A Fucked Up Thought Process).

This time my motivation came from looking at my friend who is about 75lbs heavier than me and it grossed me out.  Then pictures of back fat.  I don't want back fat.  And almost getting cellulite or dimples -- That shit really grossed me out.  So now I'm retraining myself, I'm teaching myself to think differently, I'm reshaping my mind to reshape my body -- and that my readers is what this blog is about.  Reshaping my mind to reshape my body.

On any given day I wake up at 5:00am and drink coffee after coffee after coffee  for 2 hours just sitting on my fat ass surfing the news on the net or industry related websites and topics.  I guess I should mention I am really into reading.  Well on June 19, 2011 I changed my mind.  I went to my favorite greasy spoon.  Ordered up a Mexican Pizza (deep fried tortilla shell with ground beef, cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream, jalapenos, re fried beans and a Mexican Sandwich with Beef and Chicken -- enough food for 4 people) that was loaded also beans, rice, cheese, ranchero sauce, guacamole, and a BIG ASS POP.  After I ate I was comatose.  I couldn't walk to the register to pay, I fell asleep as soon as I drove 5 blocks home.  Lets call this ROCK BOTTOM.  I won't name the place because I am not promoting it but, the food is really good fat food.

I woke up from my nap walked passed the mirror naked and thought GROSS PUKE UGGGG SOOOOO I decided the next day I would do what I know works and decided to KICK THE CARBS.  And with kicking the carbs comes reforming the mental.  I am pretty sure somewhere along the line a spiritual mental will occur also but for now lets just work on my fat thoughts. 

So today is Thursday June 23, 2011.  By this time next year I will be half my current size and you know what life is good so I am patient.  In this journey I am embracing good health, a positive mental balance and whatever other challenges come my way I will too conquer. My reader(s) follow me this will be a process but talking about it will really help.

And so this blog begins:  I am currently 5ft TALL (don't you dare call me short or I will kick you where the sun doesn't shine).  I am approx 220lbs a size 18-20 in womens and size 2xl shirt; and to me these are the most disgusting measurements EVER.  I wear a 40 DD bra (probably because of the fat) I have a 42 inch hip line and I think my waist is a 38; although I have had no formal measurements taken. 

On Monday I kicked the carbs; TOTALLY this week breakfast has started (I never ate breakfast before work in my life) so this week has been 2 boiled eggs.  Also I have gotten my fat ass on the recumbent bike for 30 mins in the morning but today I missed b/c I was a bit hung over from the wine I drank the night before and forgot to set my alarm clock. 

I hope you continue to read as I continue to write.  I am looking forward to reading back for myself not so much even thinking I will gain any readership.

Night, Hugs, Fat Burning Thoughts!


1 comment:

  1. Looks like you've done a 360 transformation, in both mental and physical aspects, and I am truly inspired by your progession. I also was overweight and lost a ton of weight and I can honestly tell you that this hardest part is keeping it off and not falling back into old habits. Keep up the good work sister and I wish you all the best in both heatlh and every other part of your life. Best regards! Jay


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