Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Just Want to Be Naked! : (The Half of It)

I just want to be NAKED!  That's right dammit butt booty NAKED!  I want to wear a Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie, Little Polka Dot String Bikini -- There I said it! 

Yet sadly after a year of lifestyle change, healthier eating habits, and a regular (sometimes skipping a few) work out routine; I am a Size 12.  Glancing in the mirror and realizing that I am not yet ready to bear my all for the world to see, I feel like I have been on a hamster wheel for the past almost year!  Last May (2011) when I declared Jihad on my Fat Ass I was a size 24 Plus Women's!  That's like really obese for me standing at a mere 5'0 Tall!  Today I am a Size 12 Average. And that is just not good enough!

I do not yet have a six pack stomach.  Hell, I still have a few love handles left, and a mound of belly fat to disarm and annihilate. Last July (2011) I remember thinking: "When I am a size 12 I will be the perfect beach body size."  Well boy oh boy, was I ever WRONG!  Here I stand before myself 11 months later at a size 12 and I am still not yet ready to grace the beaches in a thong bikini!  Hell I still need a cover up to my knees because my oompa loompa legs do not yet have the definition I so desire.

Today as I stood in the mirror in my bare minimal wear, a.k.a. undergarments I found myself saying: "When I am a Size 6 I will be the perfect size." I do not have self image or esteem issues, as a matter of fact I look overly fabulous the way I am right now.   Well really, I think I look a helluvah lot better than I did this time last year -- ya know, in the 'beginning'.   But really I just want to be NAKED!!!

I dare not revert to bad eating habits, or feel defeated.  But really this is some serious hard work and dedication.  I generally have a hard time committing to ANYTHING long term, it's been my SERIOUS BAD HABIT forever.  But now I have been at this for a year I have Blogged, Tweeted, Facebooked, and Talked Shit ... soooooo I cannot quit.  And unless I somehow hit the lottery I still cannot afford to be Nip Tucked!

Well, FUCK TODAY!  I do feel defeated.  However, I'm not disappointed in myself because I have made a miraculous turn around.  I am healthier, and aside from a few moments of humane weakness I eat to live not live to eat.  I even work out at a Gym, in Public nonetheless.  But I still feel thwarted by this itsy bitsy teeny weeny little polka dot string bikini!




  1. What a difference a year makes. Don't forget, you are your worst critic. I think you look and have done amazing!

  2. I can relate to that "I'm. Stiil fat mentality" (50+ years on a body takes a toll, yet its still an achievable goal) the devil rears its ugly head, with a stealthy attack. "Dont believe the lies."
    You have done an amazing job!! Your body will continue to morph as you stay diligent in your exercise plan. Stay the course!! How nany years did it take your body to be a size 24???
    Please! your 1 year, "fast food expectations" is a bit much!! Patience child, you will get to your physical goal! Now is the time to work on becoming content with your Birthday suit. Quit fixating on your flaws, get real!! Get your head in the game and be kind to yourself!! You have much to be proud of! Embrace your beauty and quit starring in that Damn mirror until you can LoVe yourself a little more. Ok!! Im done ((hugs)) XoXo

    1. Ps. .yes I can relate!! I was going to ask my man if I looked fat. I feel like Ive gained my 40lbs back. WTF!!???


Your comments are so super welcomed and I really love your feed back...C'mon don't be shy -- let your fingers do the talking