Caint Hide Shit In Spandex

Man o' Man you caint hide shit in spandex!

Wellllllll I have been quite busy and haven't had time to post pics.  But feast your eyes on my progress!  I have not fallen off track as a matter of fact I have event taken up the forsaken Ellipitical as a part of my daily work out.  Still avoiding carbs like they cause some sort of yet to be discovered disorder.

Well here it is ... Feast your Eyes on my progress!

Xoxo,

BG

I'm Baaaaaack!

This new iPhone has made my life so much simpler. So watch out for frequent posts! I missed you did you miss me?

Xoxo,
BG

I crave you.

One of the things that has been easiest for me on this carb free journey has been resisting food cravings. I think of the food talk about it and remind myself how terrible it is for me. This generally works if not I go look at my still existing love handles and bam I'm cured!

To date I am down almost 70lbs and feeling wonderful! (I will post some new pics later.) So resisting my cravings is easy.

Here is my carb free lunch from yesterday. Yummy!!!!!


Xoxo,
BG

Aunt Flo -- Bound by Blood

Soooo here comes this bitch ... strolling up to my door like she is a welcome visitor and shit.  Smiling that smirk little grin of hers carrying not only a bag but a backpack too -- yeah this bitch rolled up in here with baggage and shit.  DING DONG my biological doorbell goes as I double over in contraction style pains.  Damn cramp hit me so bad, I hit the fucking floor like I was in Dessert Storm and shit.  As I yelped like a puppy; this bitch did it again, DING DONG!!! I mustard up just barely enough energy to open the door and in rushes this BITCH AUNT FLO!!!!

I am always happy to see family, well SEE family but not be with them; and she drops her back pack at the door as my lower back muscles are playing some Andrew Lloyd Webber shit on lower spine.   I further double over in pain, crawling like a crackhead looking for a pipe to my Motrin 800 stash.

"Holaaaaa" this bitch yells, (like she speaks spanish and shit.)

"Fuck you" I say back between the pain strikes my pelvis is raging against me.
"I have something for you dear", she says in her smug old lady voice.
"I don't want it!" I detest from the floor.
"Oooooh but you dooooo." She says singingly -- like she could have ever been in Motown.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?" I ask in pure disgust from my fetal position on the floor.
"Oh, Baybae I have brought you some food cravings!" She said sounding like she won the Mega Millions.
"Bitch get the fuck outta my house!!!" I muster up, as my back wages war on my hips.
"But baby girl, those White Castle burgers are fresh and hot." She said.

 Just then Satan took over my mind, and body, I grabbed the car keys as I was no longer able to withstand the pain from the seige of the cramps, this bitch's mental warfare, and my daughter's ache for french fries; so off we went.

Now not only on this trip to White Castle did we get some shit but like a REAL LIVE FAT BITCH, we ate it there!!!!!!  YES THAT'S RIGHT I ATE IT.  3 DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS, a small fry and a diet coke. Now Auntie's ass was sitting across from me the whole time drinking ice water saying: "Gone ahead baby eat that shit up you know you need it."

Wellllllll by the time my first White Castle dine in experience was over not only did I feel a case of severe gas coming on, I also felt fatter than I have ever been, and DEPRESSED!!!!  As soon as Aunt Flo laid down for her nap I popped a few colon cleansers and drank a shitload of water!!! And just to be on the safe side I ate an additional 1lb of green beans to work the colon cleansers through my system.

Now in a few days I will be tired of this bitch and her mood swings and all this damn drama she brought with her and she and I may possibly have a shoot out.  But until then, I will just stay to myself.  I really hate these "visits"; but you know the old folks say:

It's blood it don't come not thicker!

(I'd rather be thicker than a snicker)

Xoxo,

BG

Bitch Ass Beef!

Well I can whole hardheartedly say I am DONE WITH BEEF!  I must have been crazy to make my bean-less chili with ground beef instead of ground turkey on Sunday.  Since May I have only had beef two times once back in July (and I was not feeling up to par for about a week); and on Sunday even indulging on Monday for leftovers.  Welllllllllll that Damn, beef I don't know how I consumed it before!

 It had my stomach feeling like it it declared Jihad on my Ass!  Heartburn! Bloated! Constipated! Gassy -- (and couldn't flagellate)! Thirstier than one of them damn vampires from Twilight!  That shit is not for me.  So I am not eating beef ever again.  I felt like I had a pile of bricks in my stomach, I was even doing the walk of the hunch back I felt that heavy.

Well I guess that is what I get after only eating Chicken, Seafood and (occasionally) Pork.  My poor tummy and bootay were raging pissed with me.  Dear body I am sorry the next cow we have will be in the form of a chair, couch, shoe, belt, purse or jacket!

Xoxo,

BG

Fat Ass Update-- 9/13/2011

It's September already, my oh my how these wonderful summer days flew by!  School started back and pretty soon the grass will cease needing to be cut, the trees will give a color show of leaves (then I gotta rake that bull shit up); and I will have to find a great fall jacket collection to sport -- a trip to the resale shop is in order. But here I am in September I have been going hard all summer, reshaping my mind, body and now working on my soul.  So without further ado I present to you my #FatAssUpdate.

Food Choices
Let me tell you, the amount of carbohydrates in food do not form a great relationship with my Atkins lifestyle.  I looked at flour tortilla shells the other day in the grocery store and there are 18 grams of carbs in ONE FUCKING SHELL!  Yeah one little ass 6" round shell.  I damn near punted those fuckers across three aisles.  So I opted to make chili (no beans.)  It was scrumptious!!!!  Otherwise, I have had a hard time remembering to eat again, so it is becoming a forced behavior.  Not eating = fat retention; and since I am such a fat burning junkie now a days remember to eat is right up there with reminding myself to get gas for the car. 

Clothes
I have given away dresses, shirts, slacks, sweat pants!  Yup I can't fit that shit and I will not allow myself to be large enough to wear any of that shit again therefore, I humbly say peace out to that shit and I am looking forward to new smaller sizes.  I am refusing to go shopping until at least December or January unless I need an item or two; however I will not be doing any recreational outfit shopping.  Hell, I have saved so much money doing this.

Exercise

I force myself to hit the gym daily,  I take off on Sunday, mainly because the children's room there is closed, and I don't want to pay a sitter or impose on a neighbor.  I have even forged some associations there.  One girl I met named Victoria goes sooo hard its amazing, like on the elliptical which I have zero threshold for she gets on there and does an hour.  I'm like doubling my work out to her elliptical because I have to do 45 mins on the treadmill and 30 mins on the bike to get the same effects.  Hopefully I can get over my fear of that damn thing.  But you know I am clumsy so falling off it is pretty much another trepidation which I need to overcome. 

How I Feel  I feel amazing!!!!!!!!! Simply put not much more than that.  I am toning and I feel great.  Muscle burns fat and I am burning all kinds of fat.  My support system is growing, however even without anyone supporting me my drive, and will power are what actually keep me going.  Not to mention the next pair of #FridayJeans that are a size 16 Junior whew squeezing into those puppies is like being High School fat in an High School Skinny mind.

My progress is amazing, hard work, effort and motivation are paying off.
Fat Ass Update 08/28/2011
Fat Ass Update 07/30/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/22/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/15/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/08/2011

Xoxo,

BG

Spandex Plain and (not) Simple

So I gathered up all my courage after doing a few tours at the gym and threw on the Spandex again.  Well you know what?  I was pleasantly surprised.  I feel like Picasso with an open canvas and a lot of stretchy material who is sweaty with nervous palms.  Okay, I do not feel like the original Picasso; but bayyyyybae I am a work of art (in progress) ... to have and to hold.  (Prints are extra Ha!)

 

Fat Ass Update (08-28-11)

I'm not the pussy ass exercise phobic chick I was in July! I am slimming down, building up mentally and ready to full out go harder than I have gone thus far.

Food Choices
Guess who's been eating breakfast? MEEEEE!!! Yup 2 weeks straight been doing the breakfast thing.  Nothing to fancy just some ham sliced and cheddar cheese cubes -- (my favorite is extra sharp).

Also I have learned to embrace Pork Rinds (or skins depending on your geographic local), they have zero carbs and they have that salty and crunchy thing going on; so they go pretty well with lunch time tuna salad! 

Clothes
Every day is a fashion show!  I'm on the catwalk, that's right -- Work It Girllll (Rupaul Voice).   I have been in a mad dash to wear all my fabulous clothes before I am swimming in them and they are paid forward to someone who can use them.  Two former pencil skirts are now like baggy sacks, yet and still I am going to get a few more wears out of them.  This week I plan to throw in a few formerly too tight blouses and bring out some slacks that I have not ever been able to fit into.  Now that's confidence! That will be a feel good moment!

Exercise

Guess who joined a gym, oh wait annnnddd got a trainer? MEEEEE again!  I am winning all over the place here.  Let me tell you the gym joining, and trainer adoption was not easy!!! After just two work out sessions with the trainer I was popping prescription strength Motrin 800, and walking like Fred Sanford.  Yea I could only wear flip flops and even getting outta bed was a painful challenge.  But I stuck with it.  According to Josh (the adopted trainer dude) muscle burns fat; and since I'm all about burning fat, I can charge this to No Pain, No Gain!

How I Feel  I am stronger than ever mentally.   I have calculated a plan and I am executing that plan right now.  Situations beyond my control (in a sense) have lead me to have a newly found freedom.  I plan to make the best of it!  I know where I am going for the very first time in my life and you know what it feels good.  So not only will I be physically thinner by the time I am giving you a GOAL ACHIEVED update, I will also be exactly where I am designed to be.  For now I won't say much more on this but, like I have told you countless times -- I am a warrior and I will too win this fight.  Otherwise, I feel like a first time, future world class boxer training for the first fight of his career; I know I am going to win but training for the fight is a defined challenge.

My progress is amazing, hard work, effort and motivation are paying off.
Fat Ass Update 07/30/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/22/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/15/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/08/2011

Xoxo,

BG

Omigosh, JOSH!!!

Meet Omigosh Josh -- he is the newest person in my kick ass fight to lose weight and get healthy lifestyle.   And right now as I type Josh the Trainer's name is being adorned with four letter words, as my arms legs and butt are achy.  I have never taken this sort of beating from anyone!  And here I am letting Mr. Omigosh Josh teach me to abuse myself First the Arms, then the Legs, and lastly Cardio capping off with a cool down. Are you kidding me? After just our second "date" his sweet smile is starting to look more like a sinister grin.   Well like most everything else, I have dove into this with my all.  But really after just two days I feel even better than I have over the past 65.  Having remembered to eat breakfast every morning has not yet been a problem this week because I am famished when I wake up.  Lunch which has never been a challenge is sensible, because I know after work I will have to snack on something before I go for my evening rendezvous with Omigosh Josh!

With today being Wednesday I am prepared to don the spandex and pose for my close up!  I am unstoppable, I am woman, I am fearless oh and I don't think I will be breaking up with Josh anytime soon.

Xoxo,

BG

Shit Got Real, Real Quick!

Shit just got really real, really quick!  I started this new lifestyle 60 days ago today.  I am down 42lbs total.  That is basically a little over a pound a day in the law of averages.  Now I feel great, I am looking good and exercise does a mind right. 

But, I must tell you shit gets real after a point.   After the ticker tape of the initial weight loss, the new feelings and the refreshed wardrobe I am left at a new starting point.  Physically I have lost a tremendous amount of weight, and mentally I have shedded some unwanted bullshit too.  However, I am noticing my outer shell needs some re-shaping.

Beauty is Symmetry, and we all now that I am beautiful, so I need to maintain and enhance my symmetrical outer, therefore I joined a local gym and hired a Trainer.  Ok, don't give me shit about gyms; I know I talk mad shit about them -- but now is the time for me to out grow that bullshit too!  Sooooo yeah, me the person who thinks the gym is for people who want to be on next season's Jersey Shore has joined in the GTL crew.  Except I won't be doing the "T" but maybe the "L". 

The party is ova', so you ain't gotta go home but you gotta get the fuck up outta here!  In a nutshell this is my mantra to my former self.  It was an easy first 60 days; very much like a new relationship it was all love and dandy.  I fought food cravings, starting exercising regularly eliminated bullshit and became the caterpillar of the old me trying to spin my cocoon.   Now it's real, I am spinning my cocoon and by spring I will be ready to spread my wings. 

I think one of my greatest trepidations of this journey so far is to be outwardly judged by the "work-out" folks.  Like I feel all proud and shit about my progress but when I walk into their gym I'm just a fat bitch on a treadmill.  Maybe I should carry around before and after pictures to shove in their faces; ya know... gotta keep my pimp hand strong.  Okay really I won't do that but I want to.


So tomorrow is the day!  I am taking one step closer to the new symmetry of me.  I love being beautiful, hell who doesn't.   And when you have been beautiful your whole life it is difficult to accept being unsymmetrical.  (And if all else fails I will go tanning HA!)

Xoxo,

BG

#FridayJeans ... Feelin Good From My Head 2 My Shoes

Just snapped these pics of me in my new #FridayJeans and this formerly too small shirt!  I was feelin' some kinda way!

This Little Piggy Wears Spandex!

This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home.  This little piggy had carbohydrates and well yall, this here, this little piggy right here (Katt Williams voice) -- this little piggy had none!  Welcome to Wicked Wednesday!  What better way to start of the middle of the fucking week than to throw on some spandex and taste reality?  There is none, and therefore I present to you this week's #SpandexSaga....

 

 Whew, that was difficult!  This #Spandex keeps me motivated!

Feast on what is left of the former fat me!

Xoxo,

BG

Desperate Measures

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  Wicked Wednesday, I gotta let it all hang out in my spandex so I am taking a few drastic measures.  Step one I had a dinner of bean sprouts, mushrooms 1/4 oz of pork and a bowl of cabbage.  For dessert I had a dose of super colon cleanse.  My evening activity thus far has included extreme cleaning, thinking about laundry and now I'm about to do a dumbbell workout and 5 miles on the recumbent bike with a little bit of Jane Fonda inspired exercise after.  Shiiittt like that little monkey man/ thing on Lion King said .... Be Prepaaaarrreeed!

Renaissance Of Me

I am birthing out of my shell one that I have clung to for far too long.  My mind is telling my body we no longer want to be cramped in such a tight space when this world is such a large place.  My palate has changed for everything.  I am embracing new hair styles, fashion, music, literature, places, people,  experiences and foods.  In my former shell I confined myself to a jurisdiction which I was dormant; and simply sustaining that hallow shell of myself.   Now my outer is becoming permeable, new things and experiences are entering, and those far gone conclusions about myself are dwindling faster than a Nascar raceway speed.  I feel good, and when I feel good, I want to look good.  And when I look good I out perform even myself!  I actually caught myself throwing a few smiles at random strangers.  This is more than a diet; this is the renewal-renaissance of me!

Behold, fore I present to you, The Queen!  My friend Joi asked me "What made you want to change?  You seemed fine with yourself." Well Joi and anyone else who wants to know the answer to this question, I was happy with myself; however, I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  You know the definition of insanity.  I had to find a way for me to get new results, therefore I had to do something different.  I had to start exercising, I needed a diet plan that I could live with and stick to without falling off the wagon.  Matter of factly the old me got just stale.  And you know what?  I was tired, sick and damn tired of telling myself "when I lose this weight" or staring back at the person in the mirror and highlighting what I would start changing "tomorrow" ... that tomorrow never came.  I wasn't waiting on a day I was waiting on me.

Do you know I even had the nerve of  feeling that my face was too fucking fat for hairstyles?  Hence why I kept my hair cut into various "Bob Stylings" in an effort to frame my fat face.  In retrospect (ya know hind sight is 20/20) it is sickening what I did to myself!  I was at that time my worst enemy in sheep's clothes, I don't think I had much self love or self worth.  Everyday was like marrying a much hated X-Husband twice -- well that divorce is FINAL!

Things can only progress from here.  I am happy, feeling healthier, more fit and determined to succeed.  Not only am I trying new things and going new places; I am embracing the fair qualities of the child I was, with adult wisdom.  Pretty much this is the best self actualization I have ever been privileged to take part.  I have started to let my hair grow out of that riduclous ass "Bob Style".  I am actually in week number two of just rocking my natural waves in my hair -- that is something I generally make sure the blow dryer and flat iron press and bend into that perfect little Bob.  I have applied a little make up a few times over the past few weeks; although I prefer natural beauty these days; no need to mask who I really am.  My style of dress has been far more adventurous, throwing in a skirt here and there and even losing those over sized shirts that I called home for so long.  Who know's next?  I may be even doing my work-outs in heels...Ha ha ha!

I'm ever so glad that I embarked on this journey, especially since I generally don't do long trips.  However, this trip has turned into a crusade -- basically divide, destroy and conquer.  Long, live the Queen!

Xoxo,

BG

#FridayJeans - New Pair!

Well it's official, I have shrunk out of the first pair of Friday Jeans!!!  Hell Yeah (Does booty shake dance.)  I am super stoked, I will miss those jeans they were super comfy but, hell I won't miss em' enough to be able to fit them ever again.  I promise this to myself!  So on to the next pair, a size 18 from the JUNIORS DEPARTMENT -- bowing my head for a moment of silence, realizing I will no longer need to shop at Lane Bryant or Ashley Stewart.  Okay that moment is over, I won't miss paying more for clothes because more material was needed.  On to the next one.

These are from Old Navy's Junior Section,  a straight leg cut pant and right now they are kinda fitted.   Just two months ago I couldn't pull these fucking pants over my hips now look!  Diet Jesus is a miracle worker I tell ya, him and Saint Atkins are really giving me the the edge to continue. 

One last Hoorah for the first pair of #FridayJeans, now presenting the second pair.

 I feel unstoppable, victorious and impatiently waiting to downsize my #FridayJeans again!

 Xoxo,

BG

The Spandex Saga Continues...

Its Wicked Wednesday, and the Spandex Saga continues.  I have vowed to put on as much spandex as possible without being all Jenna Jamisoneach Wednesday to gauge my body reshaping.  I cannot believe how much better I look!  So without further ado, may I present this week's #SpandexSaga:

 

 

Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how far I have come.  Well can I get a HELL YEAH (( Rock Concert Voice)).  I am now officially unstoppable!!!!

Xoxo,

BG

Got some gas money for this Road Trip?

Where am I? I am here.  I am not there yet, but I have made it this far into the journey and unless I want to turn into some sort of ragged and torn quitter, then there is no turning  back now.  I am not yet pleased or even remotely close to pleased with my naked reflection in the mirror.  Yes I boast about how wonderful my clothes fit, however that's the outer me.  What I need is to look fabulously fly in my birthday suit.  Bottom line is I am not where I want to be yet but I am well on my way.  Note to self: This is why I fly, road trips are for people who want to slow down and taste the scenery, I just want an expedited arrival.

This fucking road trip to weight loss is like being stuck in traffic at the Ohio Turn Pike, when you have front row tickets to a Kid Rock concert and it starts in just two hours.  In other words, this shit feels like it is taking forever, and I am anxious as hell.  I realize I have not yet made it to my two month mark yet, and I know it took a few years to put on my starting weight's fat composition; but damn this shit seems to not be working as fast or as miraculous as I want it to.  I am not sure what I expected after the first week, the first month, or the first victory?  One thing is for sure I did not expect to be pissed off with myself for not yet being hollywood skinny!

I'm so mad with myself, I could call Wayne (my pizza delivery guy) and order up some shit.  But I won't, I'm too stubborn, and because I am a winner not a quitter.  I will be damned if I lose to myself that would be like a failure of all failures.  I am not set up to lose, fail, or even do a little bit bad so I can't quit.  Damn!

My Mommy always said, and still says (almost daily) "anything worth having you have to work for."  Well dammit I am working for this shit!  I have never worked so hard to earn something in my life (and I am a hard worker.)   But in my typical 'Only Child Syndrome Voice' I want to yell ITS NOT FAIR, I WANT TO BE THINNER NOW, I DON'T WANT TO WAIT.  And I know my mother will reassure me with some comforting cynical, yet proven knowledge like "Honey Rome was not built in a day."  But we are not talking about Rome here, nor ancient fucking Egyptians, with motar and clay.  We are talking about me. I WANT IT NOW!!!

Okay, I admit this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I thought maybe get rid of carbs for a few days, and viola! Look at you bikini body!  All self told lies.  Are you fucking kidding me, already?  It's the second month and all I have to say for myself is that I can give away my size 3X - 18 clothes.  Clothes, for the past month or more its all about the outer.  Time for me to lose some of this inner baggage too! 

When I committed to this I jumped in head first, as always; its a trait of an Aries, born under a Cancer Moon with an Aries Rising.  Then I back stroked and partially read the Atkins book, Saint Atkins I like to call him.  When I felt I had enough knowledge and stamina I rammed forward again, only to be left where I am now.  I am changing the outer but not the inner.  I have written so much about how this is a lifestyle change.  But really the only thing that I have changed is that I am following a regimented diet and exercising more.  I have not yet shed any pounds from my inner; so you assholes it is time to work on me from inside out.  Like people get Vagina rejuvenations, I need a spiritual rejuvenation! This does not mean I am going to roll with the Bible Thumping, Rhinestone Hat and Glove Wearing Holy Rollers it means I am going to start working on my own inner spirit --starting five minutes ago.

I truly feel that the person you were as a child inside is deeply suppressed as an adult by the need to conform to societies view of who you are.  But really, I was such an awesome child I should have never changed that!  I was loving caring, adoring, kind and even friendly if you can believe that shit.  Now days, I can be mean, callus, bitchy an asshole and many other adjectives that I am sure the FCC does not allow; but this is not me.  This is not the me I knew as a child.  I cannot yet map my internal recovery because this too is yet another long ass road trip, however I can begin with identifying some small steps to get there.

So along with my dreaded spandex on Wednesday to please my outer; I will identify some inner goals to work on as well.  Who knew a desire to lose some weight could turn into a desire to transform myself? I sure as hell didn't, and yet the saga continues...

Xoxo,

BG 

Dosage: One Mouthful of Reality

I love getting comments on my blog, it means people are paying attention!  I read the following comment which was posted on my blog today in response to My Editorial from Miss Jill Tracey.  Before I proceed, I must admit this comment hit a Granderson Home Run in the reality check department.    For those of you who don't know I am fortunate enough to be the God-Daughter of Miss Jill Tracey (Singularly the Most Talented Woman I have ever known).  My reality check came not because what was said, but because who said it.  In the trueness of being "checked" the person doing the "checking" should offer some sort of personal substance that the person being "checked" can relate.  Well here is her comment, oh, and I think she should have ended it "Checkmate." because it could not have been said better!:

Miss Jill Tracey said...

Well aren't we judgmental my little piggy...As one of those sistas for whom you must hold your puke, never judge another's struggle until you have walked a mile in her run over stilettos. I applaud your efforts here but you must know that at some point she, I - was you. At a 16W - 18W HATING my fat and swearing I would never get a pound larger! and then a breakup or bad grade or lost of a job or friend - pick one - sent me on a binge an the cycle started all over again... What I have learned now is that everytime that happens, your body's "set point" The place where it's comfortable - rises. So that's why no matter what you do, once you break the diet - BEFORE YOU GET TO GOAL - you will gain the weight back and probably more... But I, Like you, have some fabulous clothes calling my name. I don't find back tits AT ALL sexy and I want to be proud not only of my mind and spirit, but my body too! So I'm starting today, with Geneen Roth's book, Why Weight? and a nice lean steak and brussel sprouts. And once we GET to OUR goals - I betcha you're gonna change your tune about how disgusting you think Sista Big bones is...

My initial thought was: "but Jill you are not fat what are you talking about?"  Then I glanced up at the photo of us taken together last summer that hangs in my kitchen and had the next thought of "Oh I really don't think Jill is Fat like what I'm talking about".  Mind you this is a conversation I was having out loud with myself.   Anyway when my simple little mind gave way to reality, I recalled that Jill like myself had always being a bit overweight; however, for some reason my adoration for her made me look past any physical attributes other than her beauty.  (See growing up I would listen to stories about Jill this and Jill that; and I wanted to be just like Jill.) So I took another look at the photo's. "Wow", I thought to myself, and out loud I heard myself say "Oh Wow."  That's right about when you get the sinking feeling that you accidentally said something really shitty with shitty consequences.

Now comes my admission of my DELUSIONAL REALITY:  In order for me to completely succeed in achieving a goal I find a single factor or grouping of factors that I despise, thus driving me further away from goal achieving failure -- basically creating a mental road block.  I do have a tendency to go a tad bit, (okay) wayyyyy overboard when I change my thought processes.  Since this plight is about my weight loss, diet, exercise and lifestyle change; I have basically made myself hate everything that is anti-weight loss, anti-diet, and anti-exercise.  Thinking about my family, friends and the people around me, many of them have back fat, stretch marks, a tummy to rival Budda, or are just plain lazy.  These people don't fit into my fat, make me puke category in my mind.  So where does my mental road block cut off?  Is it for strangers only?  Am I only blinded by physical attributes with people I know, because of my kinship to those people?  This is a sure fire reality check that will require further examination and thought; especially since I am now a hypocrite of my "we should all love people for who they are" stance has been tainted by myself. 

Just when I thought I was on the road less traveled, I realize that someone before me has already trodden the path.  In this case I hope it makes all the difference.  Together we can make Robert Frost proud!

Xoxo,

BG

Fat Ass Update (08-07-2011)

It's Payday! My commitment, dedication and hard work are paying off like a winning lotto ticket.  

Food Choices
Food is simple.  Avoiding the carbs is painless and effortless, at this point. And high flavor, high protein items are what I crave these days.  My biggest food craving is extra sharp cheddar cheese cubes.  The day just does not seem complete until I have devoured like three cubes; anything more just seems like gluttony.   

Breakfast is in I believe week three of failure.  But this week I plan to have cheese cubes to pack along for a light breakfast.  I think the thought of cooking and eating warm food so early is not yet something I can adjust my mind to.  Yes, I know mind over matter and shit.

Clothes
Praise Him! Diet Jesus is working miracles now I have bagged up my  3X - 18W clothes to pay forward since they are mostly too big.  That was about 1/4 of my summer wardrobe; and I am teetering toward wearing my regular size 18's and even into some of my 16W clothes.  Since at some point or another over the past 3 years I have been between a size 14W and disgusting size of 3X I still have plenty of clothes to wear and choose from.  One of the hardest things is giving away some  of my clothes because they are basically new and ever so cute.  But I cannot go back to those sizes so they must go.    I have planned so send some of my  newer items and two really cute after-five dresses to StormyVawn, a fellow blogger and twitter (@stormyvawn) friend who is on week  #2 of the #FridayJeans tradition inspired by me.  She even posted the pics to her Facebook "Like" Page.  It was very motivating.

Exercise

Well finally those dusty dumbbells got put to use this week.  I have found the best time for me to work out is late in the evening.  My colleague mentioned that she watches Netflix while she works out.  Wow what a great idea!  So I too embraced this concept.  On average each evening this week I have done about 4-5 miles on the recumbent bike while taking in a episode of "Nip Tuck" on Netflix; followed by a dumbbell work out and some stretching.  I wake up feeling amazing!  I just need to keep in mind how pivotal exercise is to this lifestyle, especially since I pretty much sit at my desk 8-9 hours a day. 

How I Feel  I am reminded by my own thoughts and observations how powerful the mental thoughts and observation calculations impact my desire to continue with this lifestyle change.  It seems like every woman I see these days is a minimum of 50lbs overweight.  Its disgusting to me.  I am almost repulsed by these women, really.  I take notice to every detail from how their too tight pants tug at their bodies to the 8 pack of fat rolls showing through their shirts.  Even how some tug at the front of their shirts constantly; a sure sign of a lacking in confidence department.

My Mental Health is definitely improving as well, not that I thought I was psycho or anything.  I have embraced the art of meditation and focusing on my goals when I have quite time to myself.  Even when sitting in my office, I speak to myself with encouraging words.  I am my biggest motivator.

I catch myself checking out my reflection in every window, and mirror I pass.  Checking to see how much different, if any I look.  And the person smiling back at me is looking and feeling good.  What a good feeling.

My progress is amazing, hard work, effort and motivation are paying off.
Fat Ass Update 07/30/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/22/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/15/2011

Fat Ass Update 07/08/2011

Xoxo,

BG

#FridayJeans (Week 4)

Not for one single solitary moment did I feel like participating in #FridayJeans this week.  But hell in any relationship there is sacrifice, and I'm so committed to me and well I sacrificed; I put away my urge to wear leggings and donned the now famous #FridayJeans.

Same Damn Jeans, Just a Different Friday. These Jeans are [no longer] 'Boot Cut', In Size 18

 These damn Jeans were falling down with every third step I took, it was like a "hike up" work out all day long.  Note to self: wear belt next week.  Now wearing jeans to work in the summer time is fine no matter the weather outside because it is always an artic 60 degrees in my office.  However, with temps outdoors hoovering around 88, after work running errands will make your ass sweat! Whew! As soon as I got in the house I grabbed the camera to snap the pics because I needed to jump outta those hot ass pants, and quickly!  (I think I saw steam?!?!?)

Shout Out One Time for my #FridayJeans Supporters and Friends

@StormyVawn 

@MamaChickx4

@CheetahP123

Xoxo,
BG

My Editorial: I'm Not A Fat Evangelist, However...

I am kinda starting to think these fat mother fucking chicks have it made! Traveling around town in caravan's of two or more, you know the theory "the more the merrier".  All while wearing some blend of poly-cotton draw string or combo knit-spandex-rayon elastic waist pants, paired with some sort of over-sized T-shirt to cover the thundering canyons of fat rolls.   Their carts in the stores are nothing short of amazing, Snickers Bars, Chips, Crisco (for their fried foods), Brownies, Snack Cakes, Pop, Artificial Juices; the list is to long to continue.  When dining out they seem to be happy stuffing appetizers, soups, salads and large entrees finished off with dessert into their adipose plagued bodies.  Only to leave the restaurant tugging on their oversized shirt -- I don't know perhaps creating more room for their "after meal snack".   They don't have to worry about working out or sweating out their hair do's; hell they read some where that you can burn calories while sleeping. 

They are even given a further sense of confidence and security, placing a religious faith in buzz words to feel more acceptable about being fat.  Like "BBW" (big beautiful woman) or "Stocky", or "Large Frame" and let's not forget the Hip Hop inspired lingo of "Thick".   There are even specialty stores where they can buy the same exact tiny, provocative outfit that looks hot on a size 4 chick, in a size 18W - 34W.  And since they typically have wider feet they can also buy those stilletto shoes in a EEE Wide.  See they are still sexy!

Sister Big Bones and her crew do not worry about those rolls of fat near their elbows, the DD back tits or scary web-like stretch marks creeping around their thighs.  These are badges of honor from the last four Thanksgiving meals she helped her fat ass family devour, where she vowed she would never eat until she couldn't move again.  Of course, she did it again the next year.

These are the women I see daily, and I look at them holding back the puke in the back of my throat; thinking and further affirming in my mind 'I never want to be a part of their unique and sorted world.'  To me these women have it easy.  They don't have to wake up at the crack ass of dawn to do 50 crunches, a dumbbell workout, 5 mile walk or an hour on an exercise machine.  They don't have to monitor their food or caloric intake, or refrain from large portions.  They don't have to set goals to wear a smaller size because they make the same outfit in 4 sizes even larger than they already wear.   Geez how easy is that shit?  Man, to have a fat mind huh?

Well I made up my mind, 53 days ago.  I will not make it to their level of easy living.  As a matter of fact I made this pledge to "Kick This Fat Girls Ass" to fight for something better.  To date I am almost 3 sizes smaller than when I began.  I have a workout regiment, watch my food intake and have opened my mind to a greater benefit which is my overall welfare.   Yet and still, I cannot help but to look at these women but with no other feelings than disgust and pity.  I want to share my story with them, my motivation and the potential benefits they will enjoy.  But I am not a weight loss Evangelist, plus I don't wanna get smacked upside my pretty little face with those ham hock hands. 

There is nothing wrong with being Sister Big Bones, or even Big Betty for that matter.  But I don't have to preach the importance of weight control for good health, a better lifestyle and personal confidence never before known; I will leave this to the nightly news!

Well, that's my Editorial.

 THE END

Xoxo, 

BG